Last Sunday I went to “Max out the Max” and listened to Jon Jorgenson’s wise words to us. Many of you may have never heard of Jon Jorgenson but he has dedicated his life through a YouTube ministry by sharing God’s love with others and encouraging us through life. In the worship service, he said that we experience seasons of wandering through life. Since my last blog, a lot has gone on in my life. From being depressed and frustrated, feeling that nothing else can be done to help me to going on my Make-A-Wish trip and getting some really exciting news.
There have been many times that I have felt lost in my own wilderness and felt there was no other way. I did not know what path to take or what I needed to do to make the best out of what was happening. But God doesn’t waste our wilderness. I found many times where I asked God why didn’t He send me the perfect heart the first time. But, after listening to Jon Jorgenson I should be asking God, “How is He going to use my current situation to prepare me?” I am here to tell you that no matter what you are going through that God uses every experience, every disappointment, every fear, every anxiety, every tragedy, and every joy to prepare us for what we are going to face in life.
As I said, I have been very down and depressed lately feeling like I cannot lose the weight I need to in order to get relisted for a second heart transplant. I have found myself very frustrated at myself because I feel I am not doing enough to lose weight…but I can only do so much. I am still taking many medicines, some of which make it difficult to lose weight and causes fluid retention. And, as my heart weakens, I am tired most all the time and sleep between 12 – 15 hours a day. But through all this depression and frustration, I have seen God’s grace. I have been reminded that God never leaves us alone. He is always with me. Deuteronomy 31:6 says “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” I AM going to continue to fight.
God sees and knows all and He knew just what I needed. My escape came as a Make-A-Wish trip was granted. Many of you may remember that my family was supposed to go to Hawaii last year for my Make-A-Wish when I went into rejection and ended up in the hospital. Make-A-Wish worked to re-schedule the Hawaii trip but as my heart got weaker, I realized that I would not be able to make such a trip. To my surprise, Make-A-Wish contacted my mom saying that they still wanted to grant me some kind of wish. With help from the ACC Conference, Make-A-Wish sent me and my family to the ACC Men’s Basketball Tournament in Charlotte, NC. What an AMAZING experience!!! From getting to go behind the scenes to seeing my team, the Duke Blue Devils win the whole thing. Duke didn’t give up and last night, Virginia didn’t give up and won the NCAA tournament. Congrats to the Virginia Cavaliers and especially Coach Tony Bennett! (See Picture Below) I just love ACC basketball! I will post some pictures at the end. But I want to thank Make-A-Wish and the ACC Conference for making my wish come true.
As I know my heart is getting weaker, that Make-A-Wish trip allowed me to kind of escape everything that is going on. Since then, I have had a few weeks that I really didn’t feel well and was dizzy a lot. I know that I am in a race against time. But in this life journey, I have learned so many things and my faith has gotten even stronger. I still struggle with frustration, I get discouraged, and sometimes I’m afraid. Sometimes we can’t see “how” or understand the “why.” But, even on the days that I struggle that’s when I just choose to trust God and then I pray even more.
Well, many of y’all know that I had applied for nursing school at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro and got a letter stating I was on the waiting list. I was very disappointed but my family and many others told me to keep my head up. I began to think about what I was to do next with my life since I didn’t get into the nursing program. You see, my dream has pretty much always been to become a nurse to help other sick kids with heart issues like me. So, what was my future going to look like now? But God’s grace never fails and He does not waste our wilderness. You see, a little more than a week ago, I got a call from the Associate Dean of Nursing at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro saying that I had been accepted into the nursing school for the class of 2021. Since I am needing to focus all my attention of my heart journey right now, UNC-G has allowed me to defer for a year and hold my spot in their nursing program. So, I will join the Nursing Class of 2022 at UNC-G. I could not be more excited to embark on this new journey with a NEW Heart. God is so good and I thank Him everyday for all the good things in my life.
So, as Christians, what is it that we are supposed to do when we are faced with frustrations, are afraid, confused or lost? I believe that God wants us to trust Him. He wants us to surrender to Him. Aren’t we supposed to give Him our everything and let Him control our thoughts, our words, our actions, and our future? As I wrote in my last post, Jeremiah 29:11 says ……. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I know God loves me, even when I can’t see Him working in my life at a certain moment. We all have a choice to make…..choose to control our own lives and probably mess it up or LET GO AND LET GOD!!! I have learned through my journey that no matter how bad I want to control my life and do things differently that I can’t. I must surrender it all to God. I must give Him my everything. As Jon Jorgenson said “God never wastes our wilderness.” I choose to trust Him!